Ashamed of Being Asian

This post is going to be a little different from everything else I've posted on this blog. It's something that's been on my mind for a while now and I haven't had the chance to fully express it. And as I was trying to go to sleep I kept thinking about this thing that has been troubling me so I figured it was time to write about it. What is this thing that I can't stop thinking about? It's this whole idea that being Asian is something to hide, something to be ashamed of. I didn't realize my feelings until about a year ago, and it came to a surprise to me. I guess I've always been a little ashamed, but it didn't seem obvious to me. This is going to be difficult to write about because I am not even sure how I feel.

Plans for the summer.

Now that it's finally summer vacation, I want to spend more time on my blog so I'm going to be setting some goals for myself.

I want to showcase a Tolkien artist each week. Just show off their work and talk a little about them. And I plan on doing a couple Goodwill runs for books with my dad this summer, so hopefully I'll come across some good stuff that I can show off.

Sound good?

Good.

Bookcase Tour

Aside from my bookshelves that I use for my Tolkien collection, I have another book case where I store all of my other books. For a while I kept it in another room but yesterday I decided to move it into my room, so now my space is kind of crowded. But totally worth it.

The top shelf is for my various YA novels that I read, including Harry Potter and The Hunger Games trilogy. As you can tell I only have the dust jackets for those, a cousin of mine is borrowing them.

Birthday Wishlist 2014

My 21st birthday is in less than a week how did that happen?? So now it's time to look at a bunch of stuff online... stUFF THAT I NEED.

Look at this shirt, it's beautiful. Who doesn't love some good ol' Hobbit pixel art?

Graphic novel final project planning.

This week my graphic novel professor told us that for our final project (that isn't due till late next month) will be a 12 page comic about anything we want. Right away I knew what I wanted to do: a story on Alellea, my main LOTRO baby.

I'm so excited! I ended up neglecting projects and papers due next week...oops. Well now I have 20+ different panel layouts printed out, pages and pages in my sketchbook full of floating heads trying to decide what Alellea looks like, and a bunch of loose leaf papers with scribbles of half assed story lines.

Still not really sure what kind of story I want. I'm thinking it will be about her family, mainly about her late father.

We shall see.

Dorming worries.

This is only a small portion of my stuff.

I'm going to be moving into my college dorm this weekend and I am excited, terrified, and nervous. This is my third year of college, but I have yet to get that dorming experience. On top of that, this is my third college. Yup. I've transferred a lot, but the school I'm finally going will allow me to pursue my interests in graphic design which I'm very relieved and happy about. I can't wait to take my classes this semester! In addition to a couple of literature courses I'm going to be taking a typography, color and design, and a graphic novel class. I'm really hoping I'll be able to draw and create stories for my LOTRO characters.
My schedule is a bit weird since I'm transferring in and kinda of had last pickings, so I have a class during the weekend which sucks but oh well, I'll do it if I must.

I'm very scared to meet my roommates... what if they don't like me? What if I'm too eager? What if they don't like LOTR???? These thoughts run through my mind constantly throughout the day. I'm planning on putting up a Middle-earth map poster, so hopefully they don't mind. HOPEFULLY THEY DON'T HATE TOLKIEN.

Okay, so back to the exciting part. I'll be dorming! I'll be independent! Well I'll only be like an hour from home BUT STILL. Hopefully I'm not over packing... but I probably am.

"It took a modern adaptation to get me there."

I was looking around on Amazon for Tolkien related books and came across one that looked pretty interesting. I saw that it had one review, and the reviewer gave it a one star rating. Curious, I scrolled down to see this person's reasoning and it made me, well, sad. In it the reviewer says "My heart sank when I read in the introduction that the author’s first exposure to Tolkien was through Peter Jackson’s movies." My heart sank when read this comment. My first exposure to Tolkien was through Peter Jackson's adaptations and it was the first exposure for many many fans all around the world. It made me sad to remember that there are people who would look down on me for not reading the books first.

Well you know what? I shouldn't feel bad. I should be able to proudly say that a modern adaptation was the beginning of my love for Tolkien. The movies opened up a new world for me, something the books wouldn't have been able to do at that time. I was eight when I saw FOTR in theaters and I'm pretty sure if I attempted to read the book before seeing it I wouldn't get very far. In fact, after watching FOTR I tried to read LOTR. I read all the way up to ROTK and only made it halfway through that book. And I understood very little of the story. All I remember is going up to my dad, very confused, and asking him who Tom Bombadil was.

Once a year after that I tried to tackle LOTR but failed every time. I didn't even get passed FOTR. The only Tolkien book I could understand was The Hobbit. It wasn't until I started college that I had a successful read through. What I learned is that you shouldn't force yourself enjoy something. Even though I couldn't read the book I knew that one day I would be able to. I liked collecting the books and looking at them knowing they were waiting for me.

It shouldn't matter how someone becomes interested in something. What's more important is that someone did get there and that person appreciates it. Being a fan is unnecessarily difficult lately and I don't like it.

This is my say on the matter, feel free to disagree.

Tolkien-Inspired Questionnaire

I saw this post on tumblr and decided to make it into a blog post. This is a LONG post, just a warning.

Frodo: What is your deepest wound, and do you still hurt from it?
My deepest wound happened to me during my senior year in high school. Everything turned out okay in the end but, yes, I still do.

Bilbo: When did taking a chance improve your life?
When I said yes to doing an episode of Warriors of the Westfold last year. I've never been on a live web show before but I thought "What the hell, it could be fun" and because I did this I became a reporter for Middle-earth News.

Samwise: Have you ever done something for a friend that you would never have done on your own?
Hmmmm. I'm upset that I can't think of anything.

Merry: Who would you swear loyalty to, or to whom have you already done so?
I haven't sworn loyalty to anyone and I don't know if I want to. Too much pressure!

Thought of the Day

This morning I started thinking about how fantastic it is to finally have Tolkien fans as friends. Growing up all of my friends either have never watched LOTR, never read any of Tolkien's books, thought the books/movies were too long and boring and not worth getting into. And it SUCKED. Of course, I had my dad but it was still lonely not being able to watch my favorite movies with friends. I still fantasize about having a LOTR movie marathon with a big group of friends, which involves a lot of junk food. It'll happen one day. Not sure when but it will. And we'll build a pillow fort, I HAVE DECIDED.

Joining Tumblr over two years ago was the starting point. I found the Tolkien community and I'm still really good friends with many of the people I met years ago, and I'm friends with others I just met this year. I can proudly say things like "Yeah, I have friends in the UK, New Zealand, Brazil, Italy, Germany..." I sound well traveled but really I'm just at home in front of my computer screen.

Shield and Body

I'm so excited to see the Battle of Five Armies. I can't wait to see Fili and Kili die!
Hm. That didn't come out that way I wanted it to but I can't wait to see how PJ and Co. will decide to have them go.
It must be devastating and they must die defending their uncle. I want it to be so sad that I need a box of tissues nearby and they can't die trying to save anyone who is not their uncle. Because of the rumors that Kili has a crush on Tauriel I've seen some theories that he will die for her. And that can't happen. Nope. Fili and Kili must die for Thorin, it can't be anyone else.

When I'm feeling especially self destructive I think about the way they will die during the battle. I read The Hobbit for the first time when I was very young, and Fili and Kili's deaths didn't stick out to me. You learn about what happened to them after the battle and not much is said about them. All we know is that they fell trying to defend their uncle with shield and body. SHIELD AND BODY. My expectations are high, I expect to see an extremely dramatic death.

Getting ready for a party of special magnificence.

I'm EXCITED. Tomorrow is September 22nd which meeeaaaaaaans..... it'll be Bilbo and Frodo's birthday!

I'll be spending tomorrow working on my meal for Hobbit Feast Week, read my favorite scenes from The Hobbit and maybe watch a little of FOTR. Oh! And tomorrow at 11 am EST I'll be joining some of the other Middle-earth reporters in a special Hobbit Day webcast. Be sure to tune in and watch it live! It's going to be a lot of fun. :D

How do you art??

I think I'm a pretty good artist. When I have the motivation, that is.

Before I started college I always drew. I'd never leave the house without one of my sketchbooks and bag of pencils. And when I was accepted to my dream school, an art college in NYC, I couldn't wait to go! But I ended up going to another school. Why? Because art school is simply too expensive.

So after coming to terms with not going to art school I slowly stopped doing the one thing I enjoyed the most. My dad asks me all the time if I'm drawing and I always reply "no". I just don't feel like it most of the time and it's just sad. Now whenever I try to draw everything I create looks horrible to me.

I've been trying to draw again. I'm hoping to become a graphic design major next semester, and I think once I'm able to take visual art classes again I'll feel better. At least I hope so.

Hurry up!

Last night was the first time in months I chose to not turn my fan on. Instead, I decided to open my window to let the cool air in. It hasn't been anything but annoyingly warm and humid for so long. I think autumn is FINALLY arriving.

I've had enough of the hot weather. Mosquitoes coming out and attacking me whenever they can, the sweaty subway rides during my morning commute, the heat slapping me in the face with it's gross humidity... BE GONE. I am so ready for some nice breezy cold weather.

New edition of The Hobbit!

I now have 20 copies of The Hobbit. You can never have too many books.... right?

Right.

I knew I wanted my 20th copy to be extra special and indeed it was! It's the newest edition of the classic, with illustrations by Jemima Catlin. 

As I'm writing this I'm glancing over to my bookshelf and looking at the book. I'm so happy to have it as part of my collection! Hmm, I wonder if my local Barnes & Noble will sell it when it's released here... I wonder if they're selling the deluxe edition. I'm going to have to go visit.

[Insert clever title here]

I haven't written a post in a while, and I never really know what to blog about. So I'm just going to talk about some random moments in my life when before I discovered the Tolkien community on the internet.

When FOTR was in theaters I somehow managed to convince my two best friends to watch it with me. I remember talking to them about how awesome this movie was and that they had to see it. And I think I remember it going fairly well, besides one part: when Bilbo wants the Ring back. You know. That scene.
We were a group of eight year old girls, so what did we do? Screamed at the top of our lungs. Oh man. Everyone else in the theater most likely wondered why someone would bring these little kids to the movie.

When I was in fifth or sixth grade I was watching TTT with some friends. These friends weren't exactly the biggest LOTR fans but for some reason they agreed to watch it with me. We made it to the scenes with Rohan before they turned it off. Turns out I was softly humming all the music... the entire time and they couldn't take it. How can you not sing the Rohan theme, though???

Welcome. Willkommen to Kino Das Bang Bang Boom Boom 1970 Gjong-Hai Ich Habe Eisen Diese Nacht Willkommen 2004.

I've decided to completely start over and create a new blog. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the best at updating... or writing interesting posts.

I do have tumblr blogs, but that's not the same type of blogging. And now that I have a ridiculous amount of followers on my main tumblr (currently over 12,000), it's gotten difficult to voice my thoughts and opinions without being attacked. I've lost sight of what blogging really is. So that's why I'm here!

I'll be writing about my thoughts, annoyances, hope & dreams and anything else I like. This will be a personal blog!

And I hope all of you know where the title of this post is from.

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